i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
