you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
