oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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