Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
