I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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