Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
