Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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