I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We don't watch enough power rangers
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
