sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
