The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
