She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
