WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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