i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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