The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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