I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
