It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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