And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
