i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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