wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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