In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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