i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
a search helicopter?!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
