I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
