my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
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If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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