I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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