You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
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