don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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