Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
