I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
