I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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