I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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