he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
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I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
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Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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