it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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