Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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