Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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