good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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