I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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