The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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