I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
one two three fourrrrnication!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
