So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
