Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
