Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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