It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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