Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
