i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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