i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
