I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
