I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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