So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
