Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Your cock deserves a montage
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
