i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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