her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
