I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize