she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Never underestimate the power of titties
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
