He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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