im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
