I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
