I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So much rum. So many feels.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
