oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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