you have to choose: penises or morals?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
